awkward silence.

2007-01-11T23:17:00.000-08:00

At times I feel underestimated. But I wonder if it's because I make it that way therefore making it okay for people to put me down and such. Im not going to lie I think very low of myself, but aren't your friends suppose to lift you up instead of anchoring you down? I can't help but bite my lower lip in frustration and sadness when my friends and sister make remarks on how stupid I am or " totally not your movie." I hate how everyone just assumes im this little girl still who knows nothing about the world and revolves around cartoons and shopping. Not gonna lie, I may not be the smartest person in the world, but I hate all the bull shit that everyone gives me for my lack of ambition and drive. I guess I keep this hard ass shell outside of me, who likes to pretend that I don't give a rats ass about school, but deep inside it nearly kills me when I get a bad grade on a test or whatever. I hate being let down, so I guess the reason why I like to pretend I don't care about school is so that in case I do get a bad grade, I can just pretend that it doesn't phase me and I don't care. It's kind of difficult to understand, but whatevs I get myself, and truthfully I think im really the only person that really gets me. I think nobody in this world will truly understand who I am . Im still searching for the type of person that I am and still trying to figure me out, but isn't this why were on earth? To figure out who we are and what we want to make of ourselves. At times I wish I was able to be more open with my opinions and such, but im so self-concious and afraid of what others might think that makes me speechless. Im living each day trying to make sense of why im here and trying to figure out who I am. Im working on trying to make a difference in the world, even if its just through one person. I want to make someones day, I want to become a better human being. I just want to be me.